has it already happened ?

“And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened.”

 -- Douglas Coupland "Life After God."

so piss off.

so piss off.

I don't miss anyone &that's a fucking huge lie. Of course I miss that person, probably much more than I should. Screw this, can't help it. Everywhere I look; memories come back & haunt me. It's fucking sad. That feeling which keeps on lingering even you don’t want it to. Not even one bit.

How pathetic.

But in the end, I'm not regretting it, not at all.

As I've never regret making any choices in my life.

*****

When I gazed into your eyes, it was then when I realized I didn't know you at all. 

I’m not one of those girls who get blessed with a boy who loves me deeply and crazily like their first. I always find myself ending up in situations where I’m the tiring girl who is appreciated, looked at with a sympathetic heart. I know I will never be the kind of girlfriend whose boyfriend puts before anything, or gets thought about throughout the day.

 I know It sounds awfully rash but so what ?

memoir

To be honest, I had a crush on you for almost a year, while our little sparkle lasted much shorter than that. Gotta admit, it was foolish of me to do that. We used to be so very close, but now we don't even care about each other's existence anymore. I guess you wasn't the one that I hoped you would be. But in the end, we had moments that were very sweet and cute.
And now...

you're nothing but faded memories

Thankyou and Goodbye.

Don't ever expect me to talk to you again. I hate you so much although I still need you in my life. Please stop using me; yet expect so much from me at the same time. When was the last time you listened to my problems?  Yeah,exactly. And, we have not talked for the last few days.To be honest, for the first time in such a long time.

I finally feel at ease.

Anyways,
I have been so fucking sick and tired lately.
I have also not been doing any homework as well.
FFS, screwed to the max, geegee.

And,

I know what I need to do now,
stop over-thinking.

still wonderin '

If we're apart for a long period of time would we still know each other's hearts?? At the midpoint of love and separation, who are we standing on top of it? Who should be the one forgiving, who should be the one loving and who should be the one that should be hurting?

I've grown up to be more and more attached to you. My happiness is when I'm with you fooling around in the silliest ways, or talking about the nerdiest things ever, or simply watching you do some stupid stuff just to make me laugh. Unfortunately, you're too busy having fun all by yourself and your new life. Every single freaking day, I wake up early to wait and wait. For what? To see you come school and tell about your lovey-dovey-girl. That is what I do every single fucking day. Wait, get pushed away and wait. Every now and then, you would remember that I still exist, so you would tell me to accompany you to find a good stuff to your lovey-dovey. You know very gooddamn well that I can never choose the best, because it comes up with your choice again. Right now, you're the most important person to me.
So why, for fuck sakes. Why is it that you can't spend some fucking time with me anymore? I miss the old days, where I'm just a kid and you would spend the entire day to play with me. Don't tell me that I've changed. I've just gotten older; you are the one who has changed. To be a stranger to me.

So tonight, although I've cried and will continue to cry until I fall asleep. Tomorrow, I won't even wait for you. I will detach myself from you and grow up. Better for you & me.

I thought about you again today. There is nothing that can stop me from thinking about you. Even if I tried to pretend like I'm interested in someone else. At the end of the day, you're still the one that I missed the most.

"Don’t ever love, heartbreak will surely come.
It hurts to even breathe.

I thought that this would only hurt as much as I loved.

But I was wrong. It hurts a thousand times more"

- 'Don't Love', Lee Hong Ki

You don't care about me anymore because
you've probably got a new chick to follow after.
Stop making stupid excuses. I'm not that naive.

Dear someone that I hold very close to my heart

One moment, you make me fly to heaven then the next moment, you push me down to hell.

But in the end, it is just me who is making a mess out of everything

We both make mistakes, but now I think about it

I never once apologized to you.

Up until now, I have always called you a kid

But I realized that, i'm also just a kid at heart

And I just wanna say...

I'm Sorry

I know you care but my foolish mind keep telling me otherwise,

And I promise that I’ll tell you about my feelings from now on, well I’ll try...