I have never been good with goodbyes.

I felt how I imagined it would when I left: nothing. "Goodbye forever" on my lips. I've joked around with words like that, but he's the first person I've meant them to.

We knew this from the start: end of november. We knew the inevitable forever-goodbye would be coming. So when I said those words and walked out, I felt the nothingness I had prepared myself to feel.

I wasn't prepared to feel the way I did after, though.

A feeling, so raw and... so terrible sad. A surprise of emotion. I guess it hit me, differently, when I realized it was real. When I realized I that my half-hearted hug and his forehead kiss were the last exchange we would ever have. A pathetic ending to something that deserved more. He deserved more.

I have never been good with goodbyes.